What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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