Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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