dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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