I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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