There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
