They should really pass out barf bags in church
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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