she was so not down for the gang bang
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
