If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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