dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
