is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
