I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
