True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
