Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
