im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
