so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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