U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
