Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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