people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
