Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
