Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
