You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
