If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
