I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
