My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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