I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
