saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
