I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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