There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
