this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
