there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
