Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
