like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
