Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
