If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
