My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
