my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just tell him i said nine months
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
