He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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