You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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