My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
