I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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