Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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