I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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