Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
