your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
