This is not my ceiling
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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