You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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