Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
