Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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