giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think a kid would responsible me up
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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