I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
