if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i believe in u and ur pee
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
