I think im going to throw up on grandma
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
